Why can school feel so hard?
Being in school can feel difficult for neurodivergent kids. There are lots of reasons for that: noises; lights; unexpected changes; extreme temperatures; lots of people being really close all around; and lots more things like that.
If you are finding school to be difficult, it’s important to know you aren’t alone and there are strategies and people who can support you.
To understand WHY school can be so hard, let’s look back at what we’ve already learned:
how the brain works + how it feels inside = how someone acts
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In relation to going to school, this would look like:
All the things you have to deal with at school + how doing them feels inside = how difficult it is to go to school
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When we think about it that way, it makes a lot of sense that going to school can be difficult for neurodivergent kids.
Let’s list some things that neurodivergent kids might need to deal with in school and how they line up with the way the brain works. Some might be familiar to you, while others might not reflect your personal experience, but it will give you an idea of the things that others might be going through.
Communication
Trying to explain yourself; not understanding what is being said when sarcasm or ambiguous language is being used; not understanding why a person’s words don’t match their face; being misunderstood when asking questions
Cognitive
Being mentally tired from trying to hold still and remember all the rules that don’t always make sense, feeling that everyone else gets started easily and finishes quickly but not being able to do the same, feeling overwhelmed by multiple instructions
Sensory
Being overwhelmed by noises and smells; bright lights everywhere; limited private space; uncomfortable school uniforms; having to be still when needing to spin and move to be able to think
Emotional
Being frustrated and confused when you feel misunderstood, feeling hurt when peers don’t invite you to play during break, feeling upset and not knowing how to change it.
Social
Trying to make friends but not knowing how; being confused by what other kids are doing and why; struggling to understand what’s wanted from you
Motor
Holding a pencil for writing can hurt; tripping a lot or walking into things; eating with utensils feels challenging; feeling embarrassed in PE class; difficulty with learning things like shoe-tying.
Just one of these things could make going to school feel really difficult. But lots of them happening, all at the same time, every day, can be really hard. We can make things better, though, by listening to kids when they tell us how these things feel to them.
Here are some changes that could be made for the experiences in the above examples:
Communication
Ask others for their patience/understanding; say you need more time to respond; speak with a trusted person about confusing things; school staff to say what they mean; explain to adults that asking questions is to help understanding
Cognitive
Use things like wobble cushions to allow movement while sitting still; ask teachers for gentle prompts & guidance; ask for directions to be given one at a time; use tools that help make learning easier (tinted glasses, text to speech, earphones, whatever).
Sensory
Wear sunglasses; wear comfortable clothes instead of school uniform; identify a dedicated safe space to get away from others; ask to move around when it’s needed
Emotional
Work with an adult to learn about emotions and how to talk about them; learn about the Zones of Regulation and using them to feel more in control of emotions
Social
Ask an adult to help explain confusing things; build confidence by practicing turn-taking; try different kinds of socialising, such as online social groups or clubs for specific interests
Motor
Use grip supports; type on Chromebook instead of handwriting; have packed lunches with finger food; ask for changes to the timetable; use Velcro shoes or elastic laces